Zone Notes
Weekly Offering
I send a short (300-500 words) piece to people who have asked to receive them. There is no charge.
They are reflections on what seems to me to matter about being here, on this planet, in this country, right now. I have been sending these for over 20 years, so what matters has migrated across the spectrum through those years.
Last I checked, there were around 700 people who receive them. They go out through Constant Contact. They are not on social media. Neither am I.
If you would like to receive them, email me at blayneycolmore@gmail.com and I will add your name.
I am going to see if I can copy one below this message. I may or may not succeed.
Subject: She Held MY Hand
Zone Notes
Occasional Writing From Blayney Colmore
She Held My Hands
***
February 25, 2025
It’s such a lucky accident, having been born, that we’re almost obliged to pay attention. – Mark Strand
***
The life expectancy for an American man in 2022 was 74.8.
I am at 84.6.
Think about it. I do.
But you knew that.
***
During my epidural last week
the nurse held my hands
“I’m about to insert the first needle,” the doctor said.
My face down, my hands resting on a platform.
My heart fluttering.
Two soft hands came to rest on my hands.
As I flinched, the hands gently massaged mine.
My heart resumed rhythm.
***
My heart, weakened by our national infection, is exploring new dimensions.
***
Granddaughter Maddie’s 21st birthday
reassured my heart, much as that nurse’s hands did.
***
Daughter Louise, Maddie’s aunt, who lives a short walk from us in Newburyport, has been shepherding us through our grief since Zinnia
died suddenly.
Louise called last week, invited us to look at photos she’d taken.
On her leg in the whelping box was
Basil
“Who,” she said, “will be waiting for you when you come home.”
Louise had dared to step into our faltering efforts to absorb our grief,
flinging open the back door to our guarded hearts.
***
“Woman can change better’n a man,” Ma said soothingly. “Woman got all her life in her arms. Man got it all in his head.” – Grapes of Wrath
***
What’s a man to do when the markers by which he gets his bearings, come unstuck?
***
A friend, steeped in the Buddha’s, teaching, said to me,
“You’ve been immersed in Jesus since your dog was run over, when you were 8. The Buddha has been wrapped around my heart for 40 years.
“Our hearts have been stricken, again and again.
“We’re elders, beyond striving age. Our efforts to shape the world have been defeated.
“We watch, with compassionate hearts, the struggles to set things right.
Sometimes we even lend a hand.
What marks our elder witness is the upside- down understanding that the way through grief is to embrace it. Surrender.
***
We can hold each other’s hands to the very end.
***
Barbara put her brother’s, and his best friend’s, ashes in her model Viking craft, lighted it on fire and set it adrift.
Hearts bowed but unbroken.
Held in our hands.
***
You can find my occasional short reflections at blayneycolmore.substack.com
https://bookshop.org/books/i-reserve-the-right-to-be-terrified-a-long-life/9798986532486
And on Amazon. Audiobook
Blayney Colmore | 2220 Calle Frescota | La Jolla, CA 92037 US
Unsubscribe | Update Profile | Constant Contact Data Notice
