Late-life Seeing

Never Too Late?

Late-life Seeing

I was startled this morning as I waited in line for my daily fix of hopped-up mocha.

In front of me was a woman with a 3-year-old daughter and a tiny baby in a carrier.

I have never been one to ooh and aah over babies. But something about this mother, managing a 2-year old, and – I asked – a one month old, on a chilly morning, sent chills up and down me.

I know it has something to do with seeing all this new life when I’m coming up on surrendering mine.

When did that begin?

I also was overcome with admiration for the work this woman was doing on behalf of that new life.

When my children’s mother was doing that, I was preoccupied with what I then thought was more important work. When I came home, if it had been a hard day, I was resentful of being expected to have to pick up my share.

And can you imagine that coffee and pastry being important enough to have to dress and bring those children to the car, get them out of the car, order, and then work out how to carry her order and manage getting them back into the car?

I tease about being a mochaholic, which I for sure am. The days when I’m unable to get to the coffee shop, or make one for myself at home, I am irritable. Even more than usual.

But if I had charge of those two infants, might I curb my habit?

I know the issues around child rearing have changed dramatically since I had small children. But I wonder how much gender still plays?

Something ironic about having to get near my own end, before I can taste the awe of encountering brand new life.

I wonder if a similar dynamic might come into play as we watch the environment and political climate we once assumed would keep the shape that suits us, no matter how we ignore or abuse it, looks to be dramatically changing, if not disappearing?

My awe and appreciation for the air in every breath, has heightened as those breaths become preciously fewer.

The shiver that embraced my as I stood in line behind those 3 people, means at least my body understands what’s at stake.

Can we learn to pay attention to our bodies, when our minds carry on tricking us into complacency?