Endurance

Unbreakable Ties

My sister, Perry, and I are less than 2 years apart in age.

Yes, she’s younger and better looking.

My older sister, Sylvia, and I went away to boarding school in this country when I was 14. We lived in the Philippines. That was effectively the end of family life as we had known it.

Perry was left with only her cocker spaniel for company, to contend with our parents before she, too, went away 2 years later.

Thanks to step-daughter Louise, we got to spend Thanksgiving together this year. There have to have been other Thanksgivings together in all those years, but the only one I can remember was in 1983.

A new dimension to thanks-giving.

We were close as children.

What we have discovered over the ensuing years is that connections that are baked into our bones, endure, even when time and distance prevent much contact.

Now that we’re both in our 80s (my little sister is 80?!) we’re grateful to have a chance to renew what was planted. It’s rich.

Perry has survived several cancers over the years, and turned her illness into a means of providing support for countless others going through the same thing.

What I’ve learned from her is that suffering can be our most important teacher.

No one can live as long as we have without their share of suffering. The choice is to become angry and bitter, or to discover that suffering can teach us what the illusions our culture portrays as happiness and success, can’t.

Cyber Monday is a distraction, siphoning off the realities that carve us into grateful people. The carving can be unnerving because it’s what happens to us when we’re making other plans. Hardly ever welcome.

Until later, when we sense we’re becoming the people we were designed to be. Layered more wonderfully than we could ever have imagined.

Check in with your siblings, with those who marked you early on. They have a unique claim on us.